As a sensitive topic as death itself, people always try to avoid talking about it, as we all know, it is an inevitable fact which made the topic more reluctant. Through the Death Cafe event tonight, I think I had a different vision on the topic.
Before the event, we were gathered in a seminar to share our understandings on Eliza Chandler’s article Strange Beauty: Aesthetic possibilities for desiring disability into the future. I came into the discussion with confusion in my mind since I cannot fully absorb the theme of this article, some of the discussion really gave me an epiphany moment on the topic. Especially when Dr. Bociurkiw pointed out the word “discourse” and “counter-discourse”, an alternative way to think about anything. If we can look into the word death in a counter-discourse way, everything will be different.
The one thing I found contradictory is that when we think about death, we tend to talk about physical death. However, as we grow up, schools and societies nurtured us with phenomena like kindness, brave and honest are more important than physical appearances, all of these traits are intangible, are embedded within ourselves. Also, films and TV shows often convey the idea that ‘rather die than surrender’ which imply the idea that ‘dignity is more important than live’ and so as freedom and so many other factors. As Mel Gibson yelled “Brave-heart!” before he dies at the end of the film Braveheart, the scene remains a classic scene in the history of film.
In this capacity, with all the influences from all aspects of our lives, death shouldn’t be such a sensitive topic. Afterall, the word ‘death’ only associate with the vanish of our bodies, all other wonderful traits won’t vanish. So how come we are so sensitive to the topic?
I feel the less we talk about death, the less we will find the true meaning of death, we will lose the ability to think and/or treat death in a different way.
I once heard a story which really struke me in a way which I cannot really explain through verbal words. The story is about a French and/or a Japanese poet, (sorry, I can’t really remember) his wife passed away, and his friends and relatives came to the funeral to send their condolences and to comfort the poet. They shockingly found out that the poet didn’t cry at all, and said that he thinks that his wife is just sleeping, he doesn’t feel that she had left him, he can feel her every day. After about two months, once the poet was wandering on the street, and he saw a beautiful blue dress with daisies on it in a store, he cried like never before, he thought his wife would look gorgeous in that dress.
That was the end of this short story, I cannot express my feelings toward this story. It is such a strange feeling which made part of me really want to cry, and the other part me just want to smile.
So what are we talk about when we talk about death?
There is no answer in regards to this question, but I think it is important and essential for us to talk about it.