Before entering the Death Cafe, I had a much different view on the concept of death. The way I saw it was very “black and white.” An individual reached a point in their life where they were either extremely ill, very old, involved in a tragic accident, or something else along those lines. They reached this point, closed their eyes, and passed away. Death was just apart of life and something we all had in common. A couple hours later, and I left that room enlightened, and had a very different view. Death became a topic with many grey areas.
In our groups, we were asked the question “how do you approach death within your culture?” It was the first question we happened to discuss, and the most powerful question for me. I come from an Albanian background, and the way we deal with death is very different from the way others in my group explained. Upon death, the Albanian culture likes to celebrate the life of the individual. There is an immediate burial, and then a couple weeks of visitation and mourning. There are also many specific traditions that take place. People in my group however, were all from different religions and cultures, and the way they dealt with death was completely different. The traditions and mentalities they had associated with the topic were very different from mine. Upon first glance, we all appeared the same. We were all white, cis gender, able body females. Further into discussing, we came to the realization that although we looked the same, that was far from the truth. This got me thinking; if five individuals who appeared the same had such different views, what kind of views did those who looked completely different from me have?
I quickly connected this thought to the two readings we were asked to do for class. The two readings touched on themes of death within the disabled community, as well as the black queer community. These two communities have certain connotations attached to death that I personally had never thought about, and cannot relate to.
In the “Black Queer Studies, Freedom, and Other Human Possibilities” article, Rinaldo Walcott talks about HIV/aids within the black queer community. Walcott discusses the stigmas associated, and how people within these communities have this fear. If someone within the black queer community contracted aids, they would not have a similar response to the one a straight white individual would have. This is not something people like myself worry about; there are no stigmas attached to it. When I think of illnesses causing death, I automatically think of cancer or heart failure. HIV/aids has never been something I have worried about. Similarly, in the article “Strange beauty- Aesthetic possibilities for desiring disability into the future”, Eliza Chandler discusses the idea of death within the disabled community. She addresses the topic of euthanasia. People living with a disability want to have the legal option of assisted suicide; if they get to a point where they don’t want to live anymore, they want the option of ending it. This is a thought that I personally have never had. It is something I have never thought about as an able body individual. Chandler in the article briefly mentions that abled body individuals dictate the laws for disabled bodies. People who are not living with a disability do not fully understand it, and therefore shouldn’t be the ones who make these decisions for the disabled community.
After leaving the death cafe, I was extremely enlightened. I always thought of death as a taboo, ”black and white” subject. It was a sad, personal experience, that everyone dealt with alone. After last night, I have come to the realization that although this previous thought isn’t exactly wrong, there is much more to death that I was failing to see. Different communities have different views and different traditions. It was really nice to be made aware of these differences, and to leave the Death Cafe a lot more educated and aware that something as common and “simple” as death, is a lot more complex than I had previously known.