Death Cafe : The Experience

Before the Death Cafe 

The lesson for today’s social justice class is attending a Death Cafe. If I’m being completely honest, Ive never even heard of a death cafe until attending today’s class. My best guess is that were going to sit around in a circle and talk about our experiences with death which makes me a little worried considering I just recently lost someone close to me, however ill give this a go and go into it with an open mind

An Introduction

The death cafe started off with a speaker named Eliza Chandler who is an indigenous activism and justice speaker. Eliza went on to explain explain exactly what a death cafe was and how it started:

What is a Death Cafe?

A death cafe is a social franchised space that allows people (who are willing to) talk about death without having to explore grief. Bernard Crettaz created the whole concept of the death cafe back in 2004 and later Jon Underwood made strict guidelines as to how the cafes would run. The strict rules include, all cafes must be non profit, accessible, respectful, serve tea and cake , and finally of course be kept confidential. As of 2014, there has been over 4,000 death cafes across the world.

Conversations

At the death cafe you are encouraged to participate in loosely conversations revolving around the main topic, death. These discussions are based around personal, cultural, political and spiritual discussions. Guests have the option of leaving whenever they would like and don’t have to share with others their opinions if they aren’t comfortable. Death cafe’s would like to stress that they are not a way to deal with grief, however just a safe place to talk about the often hidden topic.

Topic Questions 

• What are your cultural practices around death?
• What is one of your earliest encounters with death and dying in the media?
• When did you first become aware of death?
• What do you think happens after you die?
• How do you talk about death?
• Who do you talk about death with?
• What kind of conversations do you seek out to have about death?
• What dilemma do we face in representing death and dying?
• In a routine week when does death come up for you (in conversation, in work, in media)
• What are the aesthetics associated with death and dying?
• How are you planning for your death
• How does the media represent deaths and dying differently?

The Outcome 

Going into a death cafe I obviously had my doubts. As mentioned I recently just lost someone very close to me which scared me a bit coming into the cafe because I assumed id have to talk about my loss. However I was wrong and had nothing to fear. Eliza was clear when she explained that we did not have to push ourselves to talk and had the choose to freely express our opinions when feeling the need to. I realized a lot in with in the short amount of time. I realized that death isn’t talked about, not because it’s scary but because it’s personal on how you feel about death. For me, I recently realized that death didn’t have an affect on me until it occurred to a loved one. The death cafe made me feel okay with talking about death and opening my mind to different possibilities instead of just whats in my head or said on the TV.

Final Verdict 

The death cafe is truly a unexplainable experience that I recommend to everyone to try (if comfortable).